Why I hate cell phones in the classroom..............
Dad texts daughter to tell her her cat died.
REALLY??? SERIOUSLY???????????
#1 Don't you think that could wait until school is over?
#2 Don't you think you daughter is supposed to be learning during language arts class?
#3 SERIOUSLY???? Now I have a crying 13 year old, who now has the entire class distracted because YOU, her FATHER, decided the news her cat died couldn't wait 3 hours until she got home.

I can't believe that education has taken such a back burner to EVERYTHING else for too many students. They, their parents, they don't value education. The students 'show up' but other than that, school is just not a priority. School is where they have to spend time each day, but forget them doing anything outside the school day, even read a book. When they are absent, and they are absent A LOT, they never would even consider making up the work.

Some of the burden falls on the school, the teachers, the system. We need to find ways to reach and teach every child. But reality check - we can't when the rest of the world is against us.

The countdown to summer calendar says 26 days left. 26 days to finish teaching these 8th graders everything they  need to know to be successful in high school..... I have had them for 3 years. Ups, downs, good days, bad days, just days... laughs, and tears... yelling and laughing.........

What do they really really need to be successful in high school, to earn that oh so important diploma?
It isn't about balancing equations, or infinitives and gerunds, or the Union generals of the Civil War... in the scheme of life, NONE of that really matters.

The things that DO matter?
~knowing someone cares enough about them to set limits and enforce them
~knowing they care about someone enough to challenge their limits with the confidence that person will still love them no matter what
~knowing that they and they alone are in control of their choices, the implicated consequences. and how those choices impact their success or failure

Those three things matter much more than anything book "learnin'" I could ever try to pour into their brains...

It seems more days than not, I feel like a failure. It seems too often I focus on what's going wrong, instead of believing things are going right. But the past few days have given me some pats on the back that were need.

Today is a half day for parent teacher conferences. As always, I wrote the shortened schedule on the board, along with the day's plan. One student asked, "WHAT TIME DO WE GET OUT??"

Another answered,"It's on the board. Mrs. George ALWAYS has everything we need to know written up there!"

Wow.. I write it every day, but sometimes, I wonder if they ever read it, notice, or care. A little positive affirmation goes a long way. I need to remember that with my students, always looking for ways to show them I do notice their efforts, their progress, their things they do right, all the time. I have to remember that for them, those positive affirmations I give may be the only ones they get in their lives, the only ones they get all day at school, and be more intentional in my affirmations for them.

Another pat on the back came from a different student who saw the employee of the month on the school's home webpage. She asked how to make ME employee of the month. The link on the website didn't work, and honestly, she probably wouldn't have completed the form anyway. She struggles to write and is very self-conscious of her mistakes. But her asking, and the others chiming in to agree with her, were worth more than any award from the district could ever be. I just need to know sometimes that they know I CARE.

But now.. it's parent teacher conference time, time to brag them up if anyone actually shows up!

I don't believe in giving up on kids. I really honestly, down in my deepest of deeps, don't believe in giving up. But sometimes, I feel like I am backed against a wall, and am simply trapped, with nowhere left to go with some of them at times.

We have been studying linear equations/functions in math for a while, a LONG while. We have spent over a week on some lessons. That, I expect. I know with my crew, we will never be able to move as quickly as a regular math class would move. But today, after covering the same topics for days upon days. After exploring the ideas multiple ways. After teaching, reteaching, reviewing, using individualized computer instruction, I gave a quiz over the material. One girl scored a 100%. woohoo!!! AND ... She has been absent a TON lately. But the next highest score was a 67, followed by the remainder being 0's or less than 20%'s. Seriously???? How is it possible at this point they still cannot find slope given 2 points?? They 'learned' it as 7th graders, we reviewed it this year, for several days, we applied it to a variety of situations, the formula was still on the board... and yet, they 'can't' find slope??? Find an x and y intercept?? I may as well have asked them to do cartwheels, except I think they'd be more likely to accomplish that.

I struggle with the interruptions, the lack of caring on their part, the lack of personal responsibility, the refusal to do anything independently, the tardies to class(no, not 10 seconds late, but 10 minutes late..), the suspension days, the 20 minute bathroom breaks in the middle of class, the being more interested in tying your shoes than participating in the lesson, the inability to even bring a pencil to class...

I struggle when I try to talk to them about having a job someday and being told they never plan to work. Instead, they plan to be on 'welfare'.

I struggle when a student tells me they feel sorry for ME because I HAVE to go to work everyday. They plan on just staying home like their parents do.

I struggle when I assign 5 problems to do outside of class, over a week long time period, and they do not complete them.

I struggle with the idea that THEIR test scores determine MY worth as a teacher, when I am giving THEM 110% and they are giving me maybe, MAYBE 10%.

I've been at this gig a long time, and I love the kids, most of them, most of the time.

But it seems with every passing year, students care less and less about school and learning. They do not see the value in education. They never plan to use education in their future.

I try to show them the relevance of what we are learning. I try to make it fun. I try to show them I care. I do all the things that SHOULD work.

But for some of them, nothing seems to....
And they go home, and play their video games, and snapchat, and instagram, and watch TV, and I lie awake and wonder why.. and how.. and if...

Seriously... you want to evaluate (not judge.. because that is something entirely different, right??) me and my teaching on test scores. Fine, dandy, makes about as much sense as most things we do in education today.

So... end of semester one this week. Testing.. lots and lots of testing. 

Sign up computer lab to do testing in, because even though students have school issued netbooks, they forget them, they aren't charged, they have so much junk downloaded on them that the computers run SLOWLY.

Great.. at least in here, things will run smoothly. Or not...

The adjoining room is where the computer techs come each week to fix broken netbooks. There IS a door which separates the two rooms, but the noise level of everything they say and do is much the same as if they were standing front and center in this room. To their credit, they do lower their voices when I go and ask them. But the banging of them moving around, the pulling of tape off a roll, the other constant noises, are distracting to say the least.

I keep tabs on students. One is on #25 of 45 questions about 45 minutes into class. I start formulating a plan for him to finish the test. But alas, he has also noticed the time crunch and miraculously finishes the last 20 questions in under 5 minutes. I am certain he did well on THOSE questions. 

The others plod along each hour, with interruptions to go to the bathroom - students who never ask to go to the bathroom - but it must be the pressure of the testing situations and suddenly they MUST go, NOW. Pencils break, and of course, there is no sharpener in the room so they have to go down the hall to sharpen. People walk by the door. One student finishes and because he refused to bring a book to read when he was done, now he is a constant thorn in everyone's side making irritating noises and movements. 

I can't wait to give the LONG language arts test to my special ed kids 4th hour.. that should be a GREAT experience. 22 pages, 22 long pages,  of reading selections and questions. Why torture them? They know, and I know, and everyone else knows, they read well below grade level. Why do we need another torturous test to show that? 

And of course, the absent students... they will have to miss a day of classroom instruction to make up their tests, to prove once again that they are stupid, and not worthy, and below grade level, making them another day behind, causing them to fall further behind and into even more abysmal failure.

Yes, test more, test more, test more. Evaluate my worth on their tests, please. Don't let me teach. Don't let me encourage. Don't let me individualize. Just test them, and prove again and again they are lagging behind. But don't give me the resources or the opportunity to meet them where they are, coax them to where they could be, but instead, just keep expecting them to fit the round hole you've created for them to be shoved into. 

and wonder why so many talented teachers give up.. and move on to other careers....

Today is opening day of deer season. I swear every other school in the state has a day off, especially since it falls on Friday this year. But not us, ooooohhh no!

So here were are, with half the kids missing, trying to fill the hours. I do try to carry on academics as much as possible, but the reality is, whatever we do today is lost. With so many seats empty, those absent will have to be 're-instructed' Monday.  In THEORY, students should have to make up the work they miss on their own, be herein lies the hard cold reality. Students do not do work outside of school - I don't care what the class, what the assignment.... We have a culture of non-compliance for school work.  Students don't care. It is overwhelming to even consider the how's of fixing it.

Students know they will be sent on to the next grade regardless of their academic progress so many choose coasting though middle school. Even 'good' students are lackadaisical about a missing assignment here and there, so long as they manage to get through.

Part of the issue is with US, the school, the teachers, the system. We have been molded into a group of 'make them feel good about themselves' robots, who bend over backwards to make sure no one fails, and everyone gets through high school. It is like a black mark against US if they choose to fail. This habit is creating a generation of coasters, who will graduate without the skills they need to be successful. We have taught kids we will give them one more one more chance a zillion times, extend yet another deadline, excuse missing work, not expect excellence from them on anything. We mean well, but we overextend the chances to the point of ridiculousness, to the point students no longer expect themselves to meet deadlines or do what is expected because they have been brainwashed into thinking they NEED those accommodations to be successful.

The other component of the downward disaster is parents. Parents think imposing consequences on their children for misbehavior, for missing work, is taboo. I see students who have been suspended spend their punishment day playing video games, snapchatting friends, or taken shopping. Seriously??? Suspension from school should warrant NO FUN at home. Kids LOVE suspensions. Why wouldn't they! We have students who miss 1-2 days of school per week, just because. We have kids whose parents don't care that they are failing and actually perpetuate the acceptance of failure in their children. We have students who come from families who don't work and manage just fine to survive financially, so those students view their future as not needing an education. They think WE are the ones to be pitied because WE have to work everyday to survive.


We are told to build relationships. We are told students will rise to our expectations.
 and sometimes, they do....
and sometimes, they don't.
and sometimes, we can fix them, or us, or both.. and find ways for them to be successful.
and sometimes, it is beyond our scope of possible... 

Today is the last day of MEAP testing. Whew... I am sure glad THOSE scores will be used to evaluate me.

Disruptive students.

Wrong audio version of tests so students were cycled in and out of classroom. Once they realized when they were done, they were allowed to leave and go have 'free time' next door, none of them wanted to do anything but be DONE.

One day the room was freezing cold. Another day it was so hot we sweated just sitting still.

The chairs and tables squeaked with every movement.

The group next door decided to move furniture around loudly.

Another 2 sections took a break in the hall in the middle of our testing.

Tired kids.

Sick kids.

What a nightmare....

Today's big news? I FIXED my speakers :D ALL BY MYSELF. Anyone who knows me knows I cannot even manage to get a DVD to play in my home DVD player 9 times out of 10. Forget anything more complex.

In history Monday, we tried to watch a short video but the sound was so terrible, the back of the room couldn't hear anything. I was devastated. I just bought new speakers!

But today, determination led me and I figured out the subwoofer wasn't plugged in! YAY! GO ME!

It might seem like a little thing to you, but to me, it is like climbing Mt Everest and not having to have my body left behind on the mountain.

Tonight I blog with sadness and a little anger, and a lot of frustration.

Education today is all about the mighty test score. We test kids and test kids and test kids. But there is more to education that trying to cram as much knowledge into their minds as possible. Today's big plan - NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND - Common Core.. it is all a big hocus pocus way to tell schools what they are doing wrong.

When in reality, it isn't the academics where we are failing. Too often, we are failing to give our students the love and support and foundation they need to make good choices.

We've become so oriented towards covering as many standards as possible, pretesting, post testing and retesting, we don't have time to teach the things that really matter.

In the past year, I have had 4 former students go to prison (and no.. I don't teach in inner city, crime ridden neighbor. We have about 60 kids per grade, in a small isolated, rural midwestern town. Not exactly where you'd expect 'these things' to happen..) I've had several young girls end up pregnant before they are grown up themselves. Another two were in a terrible drunk driving car accident, lucky to be alive. Another is on long term suspension. and, and, and, and, and...

Where did we FAIL these kids? It wasn't for lack of testing or trying to teach them irrelevant stuff. It was for lack of love and the lack of  time to show them we love them, and give them the skills they need to SURVIVE in the world.

I am disenchanted, saddened and frightened that yes indeed, we ARE leaving children behind. We are failing them.

Every September 11, we are all transported back to that day...

I was teaching 8th grade history - excited to be in a regular classroom, an opportunity to do my own thing, after 5 years of being in special ed, working primarily in co-taught settings. While I loved what I was doing, being the 'second' teacher usually means conforming to someone else's standards in their room. I longed for my OWN classroom, my own curriculum, my own students. And, I finally had it.

I don't remember what we were learning. I do remember the secretary walking in. She was visibly shaken and told me to turn on the TV (Back in the day we actually HAD TV's in our room and sketchy reception). She said something about planes and the Twin Towers, but none of it really made any sense until I turned on the TV.

The rest of the class was a blur. I remember one young man, a tall, burly smart kid, class president.... not the kind to panic or overreact... he grabbed my pant leg, and tugged at it as I walked by, much like a kindergartner would, asking in a trembling voice, "Should we be worried?"

It took all I could muster not to cry but I assured him we weren't in danger.

Now, 12 years later, I am back in special ed, but also teaching one section of 8th grade history. But things have changed, in the world, and in education.

Most of my day is spent pulling my students into my resource room, for math classes and for language arts. We've come full circle from isolating students with special needs, to full inclusion, to a mixture of pull-out resource room mixed with push into regular classes.

I LOVE having MY kids most of the day. This year in particular, I have MY 8th graders, that I have had since they first came to me as little scared 6th graders. I have seen them grow and mature and learn. I know their strengths, I know when to yell, I know when to encourage, I know when to hug, I know when to send them for a walk, I know when to push harder and demand more, I know when to call home, I know when to invite them to my room for lunch.

But educational 'reform' is forcing me to force them to push beyond the limits of their capabilities. I have a little girl with an IQ of 53. A boy with an IQ of 60. Both are expected to PASS the state test, just like your normal Joe Schmoo with an IQ of 100. The same curriculum has to be shoved down their throats at the same pace as everyone else.

Expecting them to learn and retain ALL of that is like expecting me to kick the winning field goal in the Super Bowl.

When it is just us, my kids and me, I can try to adapt, prod them along, drag them along, working our hardest to keep up.

But then, I see some of them in my history class and I am reminded of how difficult it is for them to maintain, to keep up, well, not even keep up, but barely not drown, when they are in regular classes.

I'm saddened. I am frustrated. I wish one of those powers that BE, would come sit with these kids one day, and see their struggle and explain to me how I am supposed to make them kick that field goal. It is not going to happen....

Some random reflections on Week One:

• Kids are FUNNY. Especially middle schoolers. They see the humor in the weirdest of things. If you can learn to see the world through their eyes, life is much easier to take.
• Most kids are willing to give you, their teacher, a chance, a second chance, even a third chance.They want to be successful and please you. You just have to persevere in finding the path to that success with them, and sometimes, FOR them.
• Some kids will learn despite being dealt a rotten hand in life. They seem to be resilient to the negativity which bombards them. Too bad we can't bottle what makes them tick to share with the others.
• Some kids just don't want to learn, period. A variety of issues come into play - lack of sleep, too much screen time, a sense they will never be successful regardless of effort. But whatever the reason, the choice they have made impacts them as well as those around them.It becomes a triage situation where you may have to let go of some to save the others. It isn't a pretty realization. But it is inevitable and heart wrenching.
• Never assume they know anything. To me, this is the toughest part of teaching. 
• For example, 8th grade history is supposed to start with about the American Revolution and move along to the Civil War. Unfortunately, when students come with no concept of the geography of the globe, no understanding of what got the colonists into the Revolution, it is tough to start in the middle of the story.
• Math is even worse. It isn't about the calculator, no calculator battle as much as it is about number sense. When a student cannot SEE that 400/4 is 100 without a calculator, teaching them how to graph a line, balance an equation, turn a real life situation INTO an equation, find perimeter/area, all become extremely difficult. 
•  Some other teachers won't get it. They don't see the magic, and never will. Let it go. It isn't MY battle. I'm going to smile, laugh, learn and not get sucked into the negativity they generate.
• Teaching is the BESTEST job in the world. The paperwork is overwhelming. The mundane pointless meetings are insane. But never, ever will anything top a hug from a kid you taught last year who just stopped by for a visit, a smile from the new one who finally feels like you are their "person", or a simple, "YOU'RE the best".  

Some of you are friends on Facebook but others aren't.. but I thought I would post HERE my status updates from the first three days:

Day one, check! Actually a pretty good day overall. I'm beat, it guess that's to be expected after herding middle schoolers around all day Bring on day two!

Day two:

~Got some fantastic writing assignments turned in
~broke up a fight
~realized most of my history class has no idea where North America is on a map
~Got told I was BEST teacher ever and favorite teacher ever at least 20 times
~ wore my shirt inside out half the day
~ realized how much my 8th graders have grown up since I first met them when they started 6th grader
All in a day's work in middle school. Yes, I my job.

Day 3:
~Language arts kids set their own class goal to write 10 lines in 10 minutes, and they MET it
~Still can't figure out how to view kids' grade in stupid new grade program (Anyone else using Illuminate? I MISS PowerSchool!)
~Got robbed at the pig race. Penelope soooo should have beaten Oinkers but Tim Whitehouse cheated.)
~Had my group of 7th graders boast about how learning ALGEBRA is FUN
~Came into my 8th grade math class to EVERY student working on their Math Starter without being prompted
~Realized I needed a can of Febreeze in both classrooms - thanks to middle school boys and their prolific gaseousness
~I remembered why I usually wear a HIGHER cut tank top under this particular shirt
~Got peanut butter fudge from Farmer's Market on way home to reward myself for surviving another day

All in all, just another day in middle school. Yes, I still love my job  

Some days, you just have to remind yourself to breathe. The week seems to be zooming at the speed of light at the same time it is dragging like watching paint dry.

We're off to a great start overall... many success stories in that column. But in the other column, I have to learn to breathe.

Guided study is opposite band this year. This means that special ed students have to make a choice. So one of my young men chose band. I don't blame him. Band is fun. You get to make noise, be a little wild, express yourself. Guided study is work time, pure and simple WORK TIME.

But he's been out of Guided Study and in band one day and he's already behind and missing one assignment that I know of... and we are in Day Three of school. Yeah, I am sure he will survive successfully without that hour of Mom At School hounding him to get his work done.

Today the tardies started too. First hour, one girl came about 10 minutes late. Granted, that time of the day, it is a parenting issue, not a student issue, to a certain extent. But then, same girl, tardy to fourth hour. She came and checked in and had some crisis elsewhere to deal with. Despite me asking her to take care of it another time, she left anyway.

The first days of school are about teaching a routine, a schedule, a pattern of expectations. It seems like herding cats to try to create those routines with students, especially special ed students with organizational issues. But we do it, over and over, over and over, over and over, until we get it figured out. I was soooooooooooo impressed that on Day Two, once my 8th graders had their math books and notebooks, when I came in the door at the final bell, they were all working on their Math Starter, just like they learned last year. It was such a relief to know they learned and remembered.

So now we learn how to have language arts class. I've cotaught language arts, but never had my OWN LA class. Together we will create our learning path. I'm trying to show them they ARE writers and readers.. and even more important, THINKERS. These are kids who are too often content to sit in the back of the regular classroom and  coast their way through, either copying, just not doing, mostly just biding their time until the bell rings. But I want this year to be different. I want them to realize they are capable! I am trying to hook them into writing with some art type projects about themselves, ideas I've borrowed from others. So far, it's been a fantastic start with them writing more and longer than I thought possible. Of course, we need to learn to work on quality, not just quantity, but for now, I am tickled pink :D

First two days down... my feet hurt. My back hurts. My head hurts. Did I mention my feet hurt??

All in all, a good two days. The first one went by so quickly I didn't have time to breathe, with new kids and new to middle school kids, all lost, confused, trying their best not to look lost and confused. 

Day two.. the honeymoon is waning already, with our first fight breaking out. The attacker... what a sweet kid. You will remember him from last year - he was my swearer. Well, he was determined this was going to be a GREAT year for him. I was so proud. He did our language arts assignment today, FANTASTICALLY SUPER TERRIFIC. Wrote a page and half of amazing stuff. I was SHOCKED and proud, as was he ;) We talked about how good things were going and how this was to be HIS YEAR.

I don't know what happened. I just know some kid popped in my room screaming, "THERE'S A FIGHT!" and two seconds later I was pulling two kids apart, and trying to calm the crowd in the hall, sending one down the stairs to the north, and escorting the still screaming other one down the south stairs. .... That was mine. **sigh**

And tomorrow, we try again. Determined and resolved.

Many people have this image of teachers as spending their summer, feet up, toes in the sand, soaking up the sun on some exotic beach. The reality for most of us, though, is:

For me this summer, I am frantically reading and prepping for new classes I will be teaching in the fall. I might be doing some of that reading with my feet propped up, but nonetheless, I am working!

I am excited to be teaching 8th grade language arts for a group of resource room students. I will have 12-13 of kids I have known for 3 years now. It will be my first language arts venture and I am looking forward to trying many ideas. One area I would really like to focus in on is vocabulary building. For many of my students, they come to school without the same opportunities more successful students have, and therefore, don't have the background vocabulary to be a building block to their success in school. With the Common Core, we are expected to spend more time reading non-fiction, so I plan to try to help my students build their vocabularies for their core classes through our readings and activities in class. 

Another class I have been working on is American History, which I did teach once, many years ago. I hope to find some exciting resources to make learning about the Articles of the Confederation and the Constitution rocking exciting for 8th graders ;) 

But for now, I must paint my toenails pink, soak up a few more rays, and... finish reading that pile of novels I want to use in class.

The year is winding down, and I feel relieved and melancholy all in the same breath. It's been an up and down year, no doubt, but overall, 2012/2013 will go down in history as one of my better school years. I think, in large part, that was due to having students I have had in the past. I've been able to see them grow, see the progression, celebrate the accomplishments they have achieved. 

I leave the year frustrated with many things... I feel as if no matter what, I will never reach many of these students. I see them up all night on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter... unconcerned about their being tired the next day. No parental control/supervision at home to support our efforts here. No consequences for their actions, no pats on the back for their academic accomplishments. It is as if school and home were two different worlds that ought never intertwine.

Today was the middle school awards assembly. I know many are against these types of presentations of awards to accomplished students, and teaching special ed, I feel the pain and  embarrassment of my crew when they are passed over, award after award. But on the other hand, I see the awards they COULD have gotten - citizenship, attendance, positive attitude, etc... Ones that some of my crew DID get. :D I wish we would do the awards assembly the FIRST day of school instead of one of the last. I wish we could inspire more students to want to be on stage, expect to be on stage, learn to be students in the true sense of the word. 

I see the cuts proposed for next year, and I am worried my kids will be the ones lost in the shuffle. Too many decisions are made on numbers alone - you can have 20 on your caseload. Period. End of discussion. Forget trying to realistically SERVE 20 students in 12 different classes at any given time. Forget that *I* am their only advocate, the only person here many of these kids believe believes in them. Forget that unless they have someone there for them, they  will just not bother, choose failure, slip between the cracks, fail, and look towards dropping out. I get it that money is tight. I get it tough decisions have to be made. I get it, I really do. But there is more to life to than MONEY. The worth of a child's success can not be measured in $$$ signs. 

My summer will be spent planning for teaching 7th and 8th grade language arts in the fall for the first time. I am excited, apprehensive and confident, all at the same time. I have so many ideas to corral in my plans, in my thoughts - interactive notebooks, writer's workshop, read alouds, vocabulary building activities.... all with crews with reading levels from kindergarten to near grade level, all lumped together. It will be a wild journey, one I hope to share with you!

Tuesday was auction day. I was a little disappointed because one of my characters was suspended and could not participate. He's had a pretty good year overall, but did something dumb at the last minute. He was the one with the MOST tickets to spend! Darn...

But the auction itself was fun. I had bagged small sandwich bags of assorted candies, had canned pop, Gatorade, full size candy bars, small bars, gum, etc... and of course, the infamous MYSTERY bags. One of them had $5 in it, another $1, one a race car, another a pair of socks, one a can of beets, one a can of green beans, others had a pop and candy. It was HILARIOUS. I think they loved getting the dumb stuff just as much as the good stuff.

Of course, some students, despite seeing the HUGE pile of goodies, bid high to begin with, spent all their tickets foolishly, and had to sit and watch/pout as others enjoyed the rest of the auction. 

At the end, one little guy was the only one with tickets left, and he had a HUGE pile. I offered him whatever he wanted from the pile. Those who had run out of tickets immediately whined, but alas, an economics lesson learned.

They did ask if we would be able to do it again next year :D

I'm excited about next year. After hammering out my schedule for fall, I am relieved to know I will be pulling out my same group of this year's 7th graders, not only for math again, but also for language arts. They've struggled this year, especially the group I am not 'inclusion' with for the hour. 

The upcoming 7th graders, from all accounts, are a difficult, large group with many issues. I will also pull them out for math and language arts.

The best part, for me and the kids, though... the other special ed teacher and I are going to collaborate for math, with her taking the very low ones, and doing some more basic life skills math type things with them. YAY!! These are kids who work hard, but are never, ever, ever, ever, going to make it through algebra. We need to give them some life skills stuff instead. 

**sigh of relief**

Today, on Teacher Appreciation Day, I got a wonderful gift, a reminder that I do make a difference, even when I don't think I am even making a dent...

In my mailbox was a letter, with the top note attached, telling me this was a class assignment. Still, I was excited to get and read this particular note. The young lady who had written it had been removed from her home to a residential care facility earlier this year. I have had her for 3 years as a student, but never felt as if I was making any difference to her at all. The emotional baggage she brought to school distracted her from learning and caused her much turmoil. To read her letter, to have her tell me I helped her, to have HER say I am the best teacher in the world, meant more than words can express. I am humbled and honored.

When I first started teaching, I was a special education inclusion teacher.  I liked my job. I like working with struggling students. On the flip side, I often felt as if my talents were wasted. not utilized to their maximum potential. Most of the day, I felt more like an aid than a teacher. I was the secondary person in the classroom, not the sage on the stage.

After a few years, I was offered the opportunity to teacher 8^th grade history, then moved to 7^th grade math, where I spent a majority of my teaching career. Three years ago, a special education position opened again, and I took it.

Giving up my classroom, my curriculum, my students, was tough. I knew it would be but I was motivated by many factors.

The new job has come with its challenges and its joys. By definition, the students I work with are struggling, at-risk students who present me with a constant need for innovation, patience, and determination. Never a dull moment does not begin to describe my classroom on a daily basis. From students with ADHD who cannot sit still for more than 2 consecutive seconds, to those with emotional, often violent,  outbursts, to the low functioning ones who simply cannot grasp the content, regardless of what I do for them, it is like a 3 ring, well, maybe 12 ring, circus most hours.

But with the turmoil comes small successes. A parent shared with me that I was the FIRST teacher to EVER compliment her son. The first teacher, in his first 8 years of school, to EVER tell her he was a joy to have in class. The first teacher who had ever believed in him. The first teacher who was able to reach him, teach him, help him learn.  And to myself, I thought, “How sad… how very tragically sad.”

And realistically, had I been teaching regular education, and this young man had been one of 25 in my class, would I have seen that side of him? Would I have been able to coax his compliance and attention as adeptly as I am able to in the small setting of special education?

Education has  become an assembly line of ‘production’, with no time for coddling, no time for finding the inner child, no time for making personal connections with students. As regular education teachers, we are driven by the content, forced to herd the cattle every quicker and quicker, towards the slaughter of the standardized tests. In special ed, the herding becomes even more pointless. We are forced to push harder and harder to make these students fit the mold, meet the standards, get through the content, when in reality, what they really need are life skills, coping skills, and a way to become meaningfully productive members of society.